For hope burns bright!

“All… will be well.” It’s a phrase that has its roots in various cultures and religions. However this phrase became part of my daily mantra when Saint Walker of the Blue Lanterns first appeared in Green Lantern VOL 4. #25 in 2007, as part of the Final Crisis: Rage of the Red Lanterns first issue.

 

And although it sounds a bit hokey or artificial, it’s a phrase that inspires me to see the best in humanity and appreciate the daily blessings in my life. Sure it’s a comic book if you want to be a chump about it, but it provides a narrative for how to react to problems. To put it another way, yes it will get better and you are not alone.

Family

So what exactly am I talking about? Like the Blue Lantern that is fueled by hope, they’re power was to charge the ring of the Green Lantern, going as far as to double its power and never leave the side of the Green Lanterns (fueled by will, in relation to the emotional spectrum). In a similar manner this is what family does. Do we always agree with each other? If you are anything like my family, the answer is no. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have your back and listen to you respectfully.

For me I’m blessed to have a wife that supports my ideas, who willing and logically talks me through my illogical points of view, and corrects me (never in public) when my comments stray from my core values. More importantly we are partners in every sense of the word. Whether it’s making breakfast together, picking up the kids from daycare, to offering a shoulder to cry on because she feels inadequate as a mom due to a lack of breast milk production, we hold one another up when times are tough. A marriage or partnership is huge and can make a world of difference in those hard times.

This also extends to children. I’m lucky because my kids are small and every moment is a wondrous experience that I can miss if I’m not paying close enough attention. As a young family there is joy in dropping my daughter off at the bus each morning and watching her waves as she gets on the bus, and blowing kisses to me from the window until the bus drives away.

And like his sister my five-month old son has a smile and laugh that can make any person smile. Every time my son looks at me it’s as if whatever I went through that day is out the window. Perhaps I’m a bit biased in that remark but it’s safe to say that most parents feel the same way about their kids.

Giving of yourself

All of this reminds me of something that my father used to say. I was six when I asked my father “Dad, how come you never hang out with your friends?” He replied, “Mejo (son in Spanish) I hang out with my best friends all day. All my free time is spent with your mom, your brother, sister and you. You guys are the only friends I need.”

At the time I thought my dad was being cute but now I get what he was telling me. As a parent you give of yourself to your kids, your partner and in turn they give back to you. Sometimes it’s a smile, a hug. Other times it’s a comment like “Daddy, you’re not fat, I love you just the way you are.” Either way it’s a relationship that is cyclical (until kids become teens and things become symbiotic). Either way these comments are a reflection of my investment in my children, which is illustrated back to me on a daily basis. Am I a perfect person or father? Absolutely not. I too sometimes forget to sign a form for school or don’t feel like watching Zootopia for a third time or making dinner for that matter.

However the take away is this, I’m happy to have parents that instilled these values that were used to cultivate successful people in this world. And because of the investment my parents took upon my siblings and I, this then extends to my family e.g., my kids. Yet I still find myself going back and seeking their wisdom (my parents) on a number of matters to this day. That’s because their life experiences contain wisdom that they bring to any situation I may be going through. By doing so they provide a lens and often a solution that I may not have considered when looking at the problem. Most importantly my parents have always stressed that I am not alone and by this I refer to my faith.

 Faith

At its core faith is the complete confidence or trust in someone or something. Whether it’s a concept or deity it really doesn’t matter because it should be personal to you and your walk. The element of trust, especially in human beings is one that is earned. Usually by experiences or the old adage “seeing, is believing.” For me it is my God. And while I personalize my maker it is because God has shown himself to be real in my life.

While I could demonstrate countless stories where divine intervention has come to my aid, or my family’s (sometimes following prayer but not immediately) there’s really no need. That’s because I would never want to impress my beliefs upon others. That is the fundamental love of respecting and loving my neighbor as a Christian. I don’t have to ridicule others, nor criticize their beliefs because ultimately who am I to judge? All of us have things we’re not proud of.

What then is the role that faith plays in all our lives? It is this, that we are not we are not alone. That when needed most, we can pull that power from within ourselves because our maker has been divine enough to instill that property within us. Why?

Namely we are most effective when we are with others of a like mind rather than being on our own. We are at are best when we have partners, colleagues, mentors, even man’s best friend for some (Tony Vaupel) offers a glimpse in the grand design of life. Despite what some may state is contrary to my statement and their ability to achieve the things they wanted, they never did so on their own.

In 1997 Fred Rogers accepted a Lifetime Achievement Award at the Emmy’s for his work in Public Broadcasting on the Mister Rogers Show. In his acceptance speech Rogers asked for ten seconds of silence,

  “To think of the people who have helped you become who you are. Those who have      cared about you, and wanted what was best for you in life.”

In that moment among stars, media and other of influential people, Rogers reminded us all, that others carried us on our individual journeys through life. More importantly he shared that it took a village to build the person we see in the mirror each day. To put it differently faith played an integral part in shaping you to your full capacity.

Always Hope

Without a doubt this has not been an easy week to look back on. With protests in the country, an election looming, and overall divisive issues plaguing our world and communities, this week in the news has been tumultuous. And I for one don’t need to rehash those stories to get a few extra links to my webpage. It’s easy to become overwhelmed with the number of bills you have, the comments made by the pundits but it is so much sweeter to take in the joys of this world too. I’m not saying to ignore your responsibilities or even your opinions, but maybe a little more hope can change fractious landscape of our world.

While Saint Walker demonstrated to Hal Jordan and the Green Lanterns that he would be there for them until his dying breath, Lord Tennyson reminds us that all will be well in another way. In his poem, “The Larger Hope,” Tennyson writes:

I can but trust that good shall fall

At last – far off – at last to all

And every winter change to spring.

A grateful father

  Father’s day is not as valued as Mother’s day.  It’s a fact.  Chris Rock expressed the contrast ardently pointing out that “No one says, hey thanks Dad for paying the light bill so I can do my homework”.

Maybe that’s because fathers are expected to pull the weight, working 40-60 hours a week without complaint.  And if you happen to be a father that is a stay at home dad, or are a solo provider for your child then society looks at you as a “loser,” and your child as a risk.

It is a stereotype which has been prevalent for decades.  Yet, organizations like Daddyshome Inc., is working to change that perception.  This is not to take away from mothers or single and solo moms who have traditionally had to overcome single-parent stigmas and fallout.  The organization’s mission statement credits “men, who change diapers, change the world”.

However, Daddyshome Inc., is a lot more than an organization for stay-at-home dad’s to exchange recipes and plan play dates.  They highlight a paradigm shift in the culture of single-parenthood.  In 2010, the U.S. Census Bureau reports that the number of dead-beat-moms who were delinquent on their payments had jumped to 46-percent.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau men make some or all of their financial obligations 77-percent of the time while women make full or partial payments 75-percent of the time.  So each gender is on par with one another while women head the pack south.  In the past, I never would have considered this topic because like so many I assumed it was the fathers who failed to meet their financial obligations.  That was until it happened to me.

I happen to be part of the 15-percent of men who have sole custody of their child.  Despite being awarded financial support by the judge my daughter will most likely never see a dime.  And even though I left my career as a journalist to raise my daughter it qualifies as the second best thing that has ever happened to me.  The first of course being the day she was born… which providentially fell on father’s day.

It has been nothing short of sheer bliss being there when she did her first potty in the training seat or hearing her first full sentence.  The delight of discovering her taste palate change from the bottles to solid food and hearing a “yum, daddy,” has been more fun and messy than I would have ever imagined.  And it is the astonishment that her vocabulary has grown from 50 words to 200 in less than a year.

Most of all it is the admiration and elation I have for my toddler who understands the importance of being responsible for her own actions.  When she makes a mess, she tells me “I clean it up,” and scurries for the broom and dust pan or follows me to the laundry room because she wants to help me with starting the washing machine.  Many times she makes a mess, but it’s the thought that counts.  And she is polite too.  Often she uses “thank you, please, excuse me,” when she feels it apropos to the situation.

I may have gone through hell with the life and custody battle I had with her mother.  While the judge assigned to the case: overlooks her outbursts and tirades in court, seems to look the other way when she does not follow court orders, then praises my ex for how she looks despite her carrying-out a rash of crimes, failing a number of drug tests, hiding the facts from the court and being dropped from a supervised parenting location I get to experience fatherhood from every angle.  Literally,  I could write a book and a blockbuster movie treatment to what I have gone through and continue to go through with my ex.

Do I wish that her mother would get her act together?  You bet.  But I am not the only father in this situation.  I even wish that her maternal grandmother would work with me and be part of her granddaughter’s life.  Instead she expects me to stick my toddler daughter on a plane and send her out to the Midwest for two weeks every 90-days and follow-up with just a phone call.

Sure it can be hell with externalities like these which obviously do not make the situation easy.  There are some days that I am totally wiped out.  But the reward comes when my little princess shows me that I can be the father I always wanted to be.  And I am grateful of course for the accolades from complete strangers who see firsthand how my little girl has become a little lady.